Tonight, I am writing out of discipline. The less a writer writes, the harder it is to write! :) And yet, as my friend, Laura, mentioned, writing is like bleeding. You want me to bleed more?!?!?! She said :)
There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. - Ernest Hemingway
I am not an accomplished writer. My story is compelling to some, but minuscule to others. There is no really good reason that hundreds of people check my blog every day...
On this journey of grief, I am discovering my humanity. In the circles of faith I have been a part of, we focus on the spiritual man, glory in our Savior, an eternal hope... But sometimes the church has difficulty with... humanity. When I write honestly about how I feel and the sorrow of my grief, my humanity is revealed, and people seem drawn to that. I am not a super star or some miraculous, showy, minister of the gospel (God forbid). I am a person. I experience every day life in its ups and its downs and I'm learning to write about it.
As a worshipper, I think I have lived a lot of years in the clouds. I gloried in my Savior and revelled on my spiritual cloud 9... But my head was in the clouds. I used to feel offended by the phrase, he's so heavenly minded, he's no earthly good. I completely disagree with the theology of that statement because we are heavenly minded, the expression of God's work in our lives should always result in earthly good... Our spirits are cloaked in humanity, and humanity must both reach for the clouds and come down to the ground, touch the earth with its fingertips, feel the bark on the trees and listen to the sounds of the surrounding, created world. Yes, I believe in soaring with wings as eagles, but I also believe in sitting by the streams of living water and healing our souls.
I have spent a lot of years trying to soar in my spirit as a "spirit woman" :) But now, I just want to be a person. I want to discover my humanity. Not let go of the clouds, but get down in the garden and dig, plant, weed... I want to discover the highs and the lows, the rhythms of life that both ebb and flow.
I want to be me, both touching God, and touching humanity. Both.
It's time to start my garden.