2 months ago today, as of this minute, Lynn was enjoying a Daddy-daughter date with Roya. She loved going on special dates with Dad to Tim Hortons for a donut. Later, early evening, we all snuggled up on the couch downstairs, the four of us, watching Lynn's favorite... the Muppet Show. I can picture him... what he was wearing, his laughter, and how he mimicked the characters...
Several times throughout that afternoon, Lynn had shivered unusually, like a chill, saying, Ugh... I have this nervous energy about my run tonight.
He had originally planned his run for the afternoon after church. He had his route all mapped out and recorded into his online running apps... (He mapped out his runs well in advance, enjoying the challenge of planning a route according to whatever mileage was suggested on his training app.) Later, though, he changed his route to accommodate Andrew's schedule, so they could enjoy their first run together since we'd returned after vacation. He left the house around 7:00pm that evening (I think), waving goodbye in his running gear, running belt in place, some tracker in his shoe, and his IPod strapped to his arm, counting his milage.
Later that evening, I was reading a book in bed. I thought to myself. Oh Lynn. He's late as usual. Probably hanging out with the Boone's and chatting up a storm. *endearing sigh
The phone rang. I missed it. I saw it was the Boones and assumed it was Lynn telling me he's on his way home (10-10:30pm?). I called right back and heard Sara's voice. O, I thought, it's not usually Sara...
Then she's asking me questions. Lynn's not doing well. The paramedics are pounding on his chest. I am to meet them at the hospital. Sara is coming to stay with the kids so I can leave...
I walk around in a daze. I think, O, Lynn only has his sweaty running clothes on. I'll pack him a change of clothes for after this fiasco when we're ready to come home. Sara arrives. I take my purse and my bag of Lynn's clothes, socks, shoes, and all, and head off to the hospital.
The road is empty and the urgency is building inside. I run red lights. I pass a car on a main road across the yellow line. Like a robot, I get out of the car and walk towards Pastor Cory who's waiting for me at the door. He doesn't know what happened, either, but was told to come.
Soon I am ushered around the corner. People are watching me. Then I am intercepted and led in the other direction to the family waiting room. The sights, the smells... Inside I know. I talk to Andrew and ask what happened. The Doctor comes in. Three sentences: His heart stopped. He stopped breathing. He's dead.
Andrew cries. Cory sucks in his breath. The air is thick and heavy. The lights dim and hazy. I stand up and ask (demand actually) to see my husband and they lead me back down the hall. I walk in and gaze upon the impossible. My husband... an empty shell. Bruised and lifeless. Completely gone. Empty.
The presence of God was with me, filling me. I looked at the most traumatic scene, I never could have imagined it, contrasted with visions of glory dancing around the room. I said, God, I have the faith that you could raise this body from the dead if it is your will. But this is Your time? Somehow, I knew it was.
I sat. I answered questions. I called my Mom, who screamed and said they're on their way. I held his hand. I felt the last bit of warmth leave his body.
Then I went home (Shannon drove me and others followed), with my bag of Lynn's change of clothes, walking into a heavy darkness I had no idea possible, with the comfort of God's presence aglow within my heart... Only vaguely aware of everything I would have to do and face in the coming days, weeks, months... years?