My girls kicked off their boots and ran, comfortable in their familiar surroundings. One went up, the other down, kids playing in different places all over the house. The atmosphere was fun and inviting.
The Mom was upstairs in the kitchen (naturally...) and the Dad hadn't arrived home from work yet. I sat in the family room, watching some of the kids play, while Alea climbed all over me, as usual.
Soon, we hear the door. Dad's home! someone says. Dad comes in ready and engaged. He goes throughout the house, seeking out his children, just to give a touch and say hello. Alea makes eyes at him... He smiles back, saying I'm gonna get you in just a minute... Alea continues to tease and he laughs, while trying to finish his conversation with someone else. Soon, they are tickling and giggling, chasing and hiding, laughing and playing... The giggles erupted out of Alea with such joy and enthusiasm. She was in her glory, being loved on and played with by a Daddy.
I watched this with laughter of my own, and with unbearable pain. I had to turn my face away before he saw my sobs (though they weren't hidden very well). He was so much like Lynn, just how Lynn would have come home. He exposed our loss, the void that was Lynn, Daddy, and I missed him so.
STILL, it was the most beautiful gift... Daddy.
I am blessed to know real community. I am blessed to have beautiful friendships. I am blessed to have this one among many men in my life who did not shy away from us because we were awkward or emotional, and have no male counter-part... But he approached us in love, acceptance, and respect. A Daddy who offered his arms to my daughters telling them by his actions, You are still worthy to be loved! You are still worthy of a father's attention! I will be the arms to remind you of this love, even if only for a moment.
What does it mean to care for widows and orphans? Do we ostracize them? Do we avoid them because it's uncomfortable? Or do we love them? And what does this love look like? I am convinced that what Heidi Baker says is true... What is love if it doesn't look like something? In this case, it looked like arms, laughing, playing.
My friend, those arms around my daughters wiggly body... Thank you for giving them each a Daddy's love and opening up your heart to them, even if it was for a moment.
(This is one story among many. I am so blessed in my community of friends and family. We are not meant to journey this alone and could not make it if we tried. Thank you.)
My Dear Natasha,
ReplyDeleteYour stories both warm the heart and tear at your soul. Everytime I read your words, my heart at first feels a small amount of pity, but only for a moment. With every word I read, I feel your faith, your strength and passion. It also gives me an insight on how Lynn lived his life, one different from the Lynn I saw at the church.
Oh I knew he was all the things you are showing us, just never saw the "family" man...and guess what? He was exactly what I expected...I hate saying "was".....how you must really hate using the past tense.
I never lost a husband, but did lose a younger sibling, too early in life and it took a long time to think of her "in the past tense". 13 years later I still see little things and think what a nice gift it would make for her, nothing expensive, just some little thing to reflect her personality. Just a gift to tell her how much I love(d)her.
Today's story was heart-wrenching......how wonderful for your girls, how blessed for you to have friends like this! I only wish I were younger and had some things in common with you...something I could share with you along your journey. But I am one of those people who think of you and pray for you and the girls. I am one of those people who admire you, both for your great faith and your strength. And I thank God that Lynn had someone like you to love him while he was here on earth. I thank God that your children have "you" for a mother, regardless of how you feel, be it depressed today, sad, emotional or whatever it is you feel like on a certain day.
You must believe you are a true reflection of Christ, just as Lynn was (is)......and you will never know how much he touched my life. In fact I did not realize it until he was called to live with God! Although our paths did not cross a lot, they did cross and I had the opportunity to chat a bit here and there with him. Anyone who knew him at all, immediately felt the passion of his faith and his love for Jesus. And it spread.................
Your perspective is so encouraging.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of the way that you seek out what is beautiful in this amazingly difficult situation.
Take care of yourself and keep these friends close. Their religion is pure and without fault.
Later!
Hi Natasha,
ReplyDeleteWe've never met but I'm Josh McCracken's wife. I've been following along on your blog for several weeks now and I just thought it was rather unfair of me to be peaking into such a private space without at least saying hello. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are a beautiful writer and your faith is an encouragement and inspiration to me. So, hello :)
Leslie
Nice to meet you, Leslie. Hello :)
Deletethis is beautiful Natasha, again, thanks for sharing your heart. This spoke deeply to my own heart about the power of a Daddy's love. praying sweet blessings and deep encouragement over you this week!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this Natasha, its those little things, those day to day things that you miss that hit you hard. What you write is eye opening about what it is like to grieve. When my father died, I so missed sitting in his lap hugging him, the smell of him. Even to this day it is what I miss the most. I am so glad that there is those men who are willing to be there for your girls to love them like a daddy would
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