...clear out the old to make way for the new
a grain offering of new grain
a new cart, a new moon, a new garment...
new cows that have never been milked...
a new song...
a new life..
a new name...
new heavens and a new earth...
a new covenant...
the New Gate of the Lord's house...
new mercies every morning...
a new heart and a new spirit I will put within you...
new tongues...
the new way of the Spirit...
Newness... I am standing in the middle of my devastating field of trauma, still, every minute of every day. My "coming to" was like awakening to the nightmare of my life. But the Holy Spirit whispers... new wineskins.
No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch tears away from the garment, and a worse tear is made. Neither is new wine put into old wineskins. If it is, the skins burst and the wine is spilled and the skins are destroyed. But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved. (Matt 9:16-17)
There is a terrible letting go, a horrific stripping of my life, a necessary shedding of the old wineskin. And the promise of newness lingers... Behold I am doing a new thing (Is 43:19). I am smack dab in the middle of transitioning from old wineskin to new wineskin. That is my year, the aftermath of my husband dropping dead, of our ministry ending, of a whole book of my life suddenly slamming shut, only to discover it was just one chapter, with many more to come...
In the meantime, I feel like Job, Behold, my belly is like wine that has no vent; like new wineskins ready to burst. (Job 32:19)
My belly feels like it will burst. Every emotion is 1,000 times magnified. Many times, when I am pushed beyond my ability to control myself, (usually by my children), I scream. An actual movie, bloody-murder scream, from my gut, filling the sky, destroying my unused vocal chords... There is no end to this gut wrenching pain. But, I can still smile. I can still laugh and enjoy myself, like last night when my brother Joel, my friend Chera, and I laughed hysterically through a movie in the theatre... I can laugh gleefully one minute and the next be bent over, features contorted in inner agony, emotions raw from grief...
The world goes round. It is hard to express grief. People move on. But my trauma remains fresh, raw, life will never be the same or go back to "normal" for me.
new wineskin... new wine...
In every day there lies the choice, to choose life in the through...
Today, is just one more day. And every day, is a day of grace.
And behold, I am making all things new... these words are trustworthy and true. (Rev 21:5)
Bless you. Still praying for you. Wish I knew how to help. Lynn was mourned afresh by many during the first bit of Music Festival. Sandra and I often turned to each other and asked "how would Lynn have responded to this?" We cried together and laughed together over memories and the loss of such a friend. I ache for you. Wish I could help...
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