Friday, June 13, 2014

Empty spaces

I am woman.

In my heart of hearts, I secretly carry... empty spaces.

What do I do with these empty spaces?

A woman's empty spaces are longing to be filled. Deep down they know, that once upon a time, they were filled.

A woman's inner soul was designed and created as filled, always to be filled, and never to know emptiness.

When God created Eve, the mother of all living, it was as though he was forming me out of the dust, all of her children, all of the generations to follow... Somehow intrinsically present on that day of glorious creation... In my heart of hearts, I am the same as my ancestor. I have her frame. Together we were made in His image, formed out of the dust of the earth, with a rib taken out of my counterpart, Adam.

But unlike Eve, I was born into a broken world, a world of separation, isolation, and loss. I was cut off from the Breath of Life that so pervaded Eve's being, filling her to completion, saturating her with His Presence of Peace and Perfect Love.

My soul is not pure and blameless as was our Mother, the newborn Eve. My soul is filled, but not with the pure and pervasive Breathe of the Living God. My soul is filled with junk, with baggage, with anger, woundedness, bitterness, and regret. These are as rocks to my soul, heavy stones that take up space and weigh me down, leaving gaping holes, empty spaces... Empty spaces that are longing to be filled.

These stones of sin and regret make me feel ugly and unlovable. They make me question my worth, my ancestry, who I am and what my purpose is. They send forth cascading shadows of doubt and fear, that pervade my empty spaces with darkness instead of light, shame instead of love, and death instead of life.

I am woman. Whether I am married or single, old or young, widowed or divorced, with children or without, in my heart of hearts, I secretly wrestle with this question...

What do I do with my empty spaces? Who will love me there?

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