Saturday, May 17, 2014


Be still and know… Know that I am God. 

Alea and I spent some time out in the early morning sunshine (while my Roya girl was sleeping in…) And I found myself arrested by these words...

Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
These words resonate with each and every sand stone at the base of my being that shakes and trembles at the sound of His Voice. These words call me to align myself, my life, my thoughts, my words, my beliefs… and order themselves accordingly.

No one is God, but He alone.

Both before and after Lynn's death, I have wrestled with life and ministry and faith. I have wanted to fit in, to be "normal", to succeed according to normal social standards of success. And God would close every door in my face and say, No, my daughter. Not this path. Typically, I would respond, Okay, than which one? Show me the way to go. Then He would say, Wait. Be in My Presence. Breathe in My living Word. Put your whole being at rest in the palm of my hand. Be still and know that I am God. Typically, I would then respond, Well that sounds all well and good, almost romantic even, wistfully spiritual... But how exactly does that pay the bills??? Others would say, You are wasting your gifts. What are you waiting for? Why are you hesitating?? Are you so spiritually minded that you are no earthly good??

No matter what else I might like to call it, the wrestle is this: How can I "succeed" in the Spirit, according to God's kingdom and plan, and still "succeed" with man here on earth.

Ahhh. Therein lies my downfall. Wanting both. Godly success and success in the eyes of man.

Seek first His kingdom, and whatever follows, follows!!

I acknowledge today that I have been called to walk an "abnormal" path. Life doesn't happen normally for me. It is just not God's plan. Instead, he chose me as His least likely representative. Like Gideon, I am the least of the least of the least… Humble, little, lowly me is anointed to live an abnormal life that exists fully and completely for the purpose of releasing His heavenly Kingdom, His truth, the power and healing of His word. Humble, little, broken, little me is called to walk in the supernatural, which does not lend itself to a "natural" kind of life…

Goodbye normal life. I don't think I ever really wanted you anyway… (except secretly I do.. :)) It's just not as good as life in God.

I may never have "success" in the eyes of man. I may never have the ministry credentials I've always wanted. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. But first things first… An UNDIVIDED HEART. This is my measure for success. Will it pay my bills? I'm not quite sure. But, alas, my God is the Sovereign King who reigns over the whole universe, the heavens, and the earth, and all that is under the earth. At His Name, every knee must bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Today, I rejoice, for I am immeasurably successful. I trust God to show me the path of life, to fill me with joy in His Presence, and with eternal pleasures at His right hand. (Ps 16:11)

I choose His Kingdom first. Above all else. NO matter the cost. 

1 comment:

  1. This is what I was talking about in my e-mail although more eloquently written. He knows about your bills so fear not.